Once In A Lifetime

Gretchen's/Shixian's bdae Lunch @ NYNY, 24th February (Sunday)

Woke up and totally didn't feel like going to church today cause the fucked up feeling from yesterday didn't totally fade away. Rolled around in bed and received an sms from mel asking me who's going for the outing. At that moment: "What? Outing? Oh yeah Gretchen's/Shi Xian's Bdae lunch today... Who organised it again? Me? Uh... Oh I did!". Okay so I surprised myself with the surprise lunch i planned for SX/Gretchen. Stilling feeling like total shaet, I was like ARGH outing I'mma be LATE!!!

Met Delvin, Gretcheo and Denise at NYNY, Amk Hub. For once, I didn't have that uh-shit-nobody-is-coming-for-class-outing-again feeling. Even with an impromptu planning and with very little effort, I felt that the attendance would be higher than expected. Maybe our long separation made us keen on meeting up? So mel, Keith, JC, SX, Mark and Audrey came and joined us for lunch and we squeezed in this freaking small table meant for 7... Shared this crazy-ass-huge $30 burger with Veen and boy was it fucked up. Every bite yielded negative marginal utility (say yay to Econs!) after going through one quarter of it.

After talking loads of cock and having a great time hogging up 5 tables (we shifted) at NYNY, we decided to play pool (I wanted hokkien songs at K box but... oh well...). We talked more cock and had a greater time, while Keith was MIA from the tables cause of "injuries" (he was having a good time chatting with mel and I JUST had to disturb him... Sorry Keith!). Yeah so I played like a n00b and got trashed by Gretchen and Jun Chyi. -_-"

Felt great after that and I was reluctant to leave the group but was freakin' tired..


Ronin @ Esplanade Powerhouse

Met Mellavin and Sarah at City Hall (both our tendencies to be late somehow synchronised and we met "on time" while actually being very much later than the agreed time). Went to da bao a foot-long Italian BMT and we went to Esplanade hoping we didn't miss Ronin. We waited by the river in the hot humid weather to "chill" out but luckily Ronin came out soon after and there was no new singer! Ooo surprise surprise! Haha. Derryn was more or less the front man now and he rocked out socks away with his deep and sexy voice. Then Bang and Sean lent their vocal talents while drumming / playing and I've got to say that they did a really good job at controlling their tones while playing fairly complex parts on their instruments. However, I sorta missed Levan's weird antics on stage and a whole fuckin' line of "punctuations" though (fuck is an eg of a punctuation btw...). Anyway, the 4 members still remained as tight as ever and me and mella's guessing how Sean gets his tone. All three of us kinda agreed that Simon's screwing up the tightness of the whole band though... =/

After their rock solid performance we went around esplanade to find a cool chill-out place but everybody's closed (cept maybe Harry's which is expensive). We wandered around aimlessly and ended up at Marina Square's Mac where I finished my Subway... Ha!

We went home talking cock in the train. Well it seems this day's been full of cock which made me forget of some of the negative things brought up yesterday! I think we should treasure each and every enjoyable moment with friends and loved ones because isn't this what we're all living for?



Firelight it is burning so bright in the dark of the night
As we fight for the glory tonight there's nowhere to hide
On the wings of your destiny brings all the power you crave
Careful now if not you then who else will we save

Lost in this world total stranger
Death by the sword a common danger
You know that everything is not what it seems
March on all night forever searching
Daylight ahead is coming again
Break through the walls and use the power of your dreams

Once in a lifetime take a chance at the right time the glory to see
Rise up for the time of your life
Now the time has come for you to be free

Walking Alone

22nd February (Friday)

Met hl and milli for dinner yesterday at Casuarina and hl made NS sound fucking fun, I can't wait to enter =_=". Tried to sneak into hl's mysterious abode with milli after his mum said we shouldn't go in cause its too messy... ...but to no avail... Went to milli's house to chill out but i quickly felt like a fucking bright lighthouse after a while... Oh, and i actually ran, after like 10 months? ...to the bus stop in fear of missing the last 855. These last buses are quite accurate ah, it did arrive exactly at 0015 just like the signboard said, and i got off my bus stop at 0023. (I hate maths but i don't know why irrelevant numbers just stick in my head sometimes)


23rd February (Saturday)

Went for 1st guitar lesson with Randolf. Learnt quite a lot of stuff other than technical playing / music theory from him. I really respect that guy! Met hl, milli and Brandon for dinner later at Bishan J8 (yay! that made me feel like a dimmer lightbulb!). Our agenda today was to discuss on band matters. Sean couldn't make it cause of the compulsory genus concert CJGE made him go... Okay, so...

Band Matters
We were supposed to meet to discuss some issues like, our band image, whether to get a new perm vocalist, some admin stuff, technical stuff and our long term goals. All was well on the 1st 2 points but I guessed it got harder to digest after pt 3.

I think I talked to much and everybody was like "...huh..." which made me went the same way... We got to point 5 on our long term goals and multiple bombshells were dropped. I guess reality hurts cause I really felt lost when Brandon brought up some cold hard facts. What had I been thinking before I asked myself. My brain was too fucked by reality to think then... A few questions suddenly came pouring in which didn't ease the disorientation I was facing. "What if I don't get into mdc?" "what if we can't commit to the band?" "what if brandon goes overseas to further his studies/work in three years time?" "what if milli goes overseas to further her studies in three years time?" "what if hl can't practise as much as he would like to due to NS?" "what happens when sean goes into ns?" "what happens if brandon goes into ns?" "long term?" "what if the band doesn't survive past this year?" "what?!" "fuck you la!" "...emo kid..." "i'm useless" "why am I staying to friends who're going overseas?" "my maths fail? 1 + 1 = 5?" "lol dreamer" "maybe it helps to be less selfless at times?" "wake up your ideas la idiot!" "mass tmr at 9.45?" "choir?!" "birthday lunch?" "huh i planned it? oh okay... err" "fuck?"

So... We met to solve some pending questions but we ended up with more... ...or at least I ended up with more... Records show I have a tendency to give my all into what I believe in.. ..and when they don't work out I feel totally fucked up eg cjge, t13 welfare.. Maybe that's the reason why I don't start any close relationships.. But again, maybe this is the reason why I feel fucked up... I feel like I'm walking alone again... My paradox of life... Has been getting more obvious since my waning faith and disconnectedness with God around mid last year after syf.. Oh well, I'm gonna get my hardest fucking in 1 to 2 weeks time when A level results are out so I'll just enjoy this down moment while I still can...

"I must be emo!" lol. If this pms thing is happening every Saturday night, I'm gonna kill myself. =) happy Ben indeed! The trail of footsteps on the sand really looks like mine and mine alone...



Sometimes I need to apologize..
Sometimes I need to admit that I ain't right..
Sometimes I should just keep my mouth shut, or only say hello..
Sometimes I still feel I'm walking alone..

Walk on eggshells on my old stomping ground,
Yet there's really no one left, that's hanging around.
Isn't that another familiar face?
Too drunk to figure out they're fading away...

Livin' On A Prayer

Rockefella IV was super great. It seems CJ bands are getting tighter and tighter every year, its starting to get scary. Lao jiaos like us are really getting pressurised when going back to perform cuz the J2s are so tight, it really makes us look at most, medicore.

One thing learnt durin' this performance though... We're NEVER ever performing as an incomplete band again cause its totally fuked up. Its like althought we have five members in the band, but 1 guy missing seems to make our pieces sound 40% empty, not 20%. It seems we've learnt the hard way each member is more than a fifth of a band. I've took some really great vids on friday night and i did experiment with walking around while fiiming to make the vids look a lil more professional (thought to no avail...)

I think we need to hire our own sound engineer, manager and video filmer cuz I can't be doing all those while performing can I... The vids will be processed (trying to find a more professional free video converter now and I shall be processing it when I've got time). No net at home sucks, while actually Starhub sucks... So I'm switching over to Singnet but it won't be up til this Saturday.



We've gotta hold on to what we've got
It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not
We've got each other and thats a lot for love,
We'll give it a shot

Whoooaaa-Were halfway there
Whoooaaa-Livin' on a prayer!
Take my hand, we'll make it i swear
Whoooaaa-Livin' on a prayer!
Livin' on a prayer!

The Seven Angels

Yay today's performance at Raechel's was... I don't know... I'm grateful to Luther for giving us a $535 worth of equipments for $300. Was feeling fine after the set but feeling totally fucked now at home. I don't know what I'm emoing about which is quite puzzling (don't I sound like a fuckin' engineer? Wondering what I'm sad about while emoing?)

Maybe it was the not-too-perfect set at Raechel's.
Maybe it was the half empty cock hall during the performance with that $300 set of equipments we paid with our own money. (They call this looking at the glass half-empty)
Maybe it was my fucked up throat.
Maybe it was the loneliness one feels in the midst of a crowd.
Maybe it was the @!#$%!$#% nag from my dad.
Maybe it was etc etc etc.
Maybe it was me?

Weird mood swings ala guy's version of pms maybe? Whatever it is, it's still a lil puzzling that I can't seem to find a sole source for this shit feeling. Maybe its a bit of everything that piles up on each other on my back. A grain of sand ain't heavy but a bucket of sand is. I'm feeling so !@#$ed up not even the F word is describing it right. Not going for mass tmr for dunno what reason. Hope it'll be better tomorrow.

What a way to start the !@#$ing new year. Chee bye lan jiao awesomeness...



You've been fighting for your soul
And sometimes it takes a toll
Hope one day you'll understand
What it means to hold in hands
What they call a fantasy
It is nothing but a key
To the world that now you're in
That they call a wicked dream

When you're walking on your own
When you're broken and alone
You may feel us from inside -
on the other side of life.

I've been fighting for my soul
And sometimes it takes a toll
Hope one day we'll understand
What it means to hold in hands
What we call a fantasy
But it's nothing but a key
To the world that now I'm in
That we call a wicked dream

I've been fighting for my soul
And sometimes it takes a toll
Hope one day we'll understand
What it means to hold in hands
What we call a fantasy
But it's nothing but a key
To the world that now I'm in
That we call a wicked dream

I've been fighting for my soul (Oh, walking on my own)
And sometimes it takes a toll
Hope one day we'll understand
What it means to hold in hands
What we call a fantasy (When I'm broken and alone)
But it's nothing but a key
To the world that now I'm in
That we call a wicked dream

I've been fighting for my soul (I may feel you from inside)
And sometimes it takes a toll
Hope one day we'll understand
What it means to hold in hands
What we call a fantasy (From the other side of life)
But it's nothing but a key
To the world that now I'm in
That we call a wicked dream

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

Been sick since DT's concert till now. Must be their godly powers too god-lyke for a mere mortal like me to comprehend... Work is really making me a no-life. 8 to 5.30 in the office, which means waking up at 6am and reaching home at 7pm feeling shagged. After dinner etc its 8+pm and that leaves like 2 hours of "admin time" to do my stuff (yeah feels like NS eh).

With the performance at Raechel's this Saturday, and Rockefella next Friday, practice time has been really tight with my current schedule. And best: no vocals practise for the past two weeks cause of bad throat. I think we should kick our damn bloody vocalist out of the band. That slacker keeps giving lame excuses etc and doesn't sing for jamming sessions. He thinks his James LaBrie or something, poping out on stage just 1 bar before his part and coming in perfect... Yeah right.

Seriously, I'm not eating any bak kuas or CNY "goodies" (they definately won't make my throat gooder) for this two weeks. Jordan Rudess always cover our asses so since Hock Lu is stuck in NS for Rockefella, Instant Biscuit is gonna be butt naked during Rockefella


It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.